Cyrus Magellan Mellon and Wilson Maramlade Doorstaff have been best friends since their youth. In financial dire straits, Wilson jubilantly discovers his father's long-lost treasure map. Fleeing dangerous Loan Sharks, the IRS and a burning Victorian mansion (which Wilson was supposed to be looking after), Wilson, his lethargic son Lloyd and Assistant Benny Hwang haul-ass from Kansas City down to Wilson's cave-riddled property in Arkansas in search of treasure. After a chaotic journey, slamming in an RV through the steep and pitted dirt roads of the backwoods, the trio arrive. There they are united with Cyrus Magellan Mellon and his lovely daughter, Jennifer Aubrey Mellon. Jennifer and Benny are whip-crack intelligent. Wilson's son Lloyd is sedentary, entitled and has an astounding ability to simultaneously form an erection and crap his shorts. Somewhat effete and utterly charming, Wilson Maramlade Doorstaff is privileged in the extreme. He's elated to reunite with his very best friend in the world, Cyrus Magellan Mellon, a delusional, kind-hearted, drug-addicted, clinically psychotic man of fifty who spends most of his time underground extending cave systems. Alone. With his Demons. He knows weaponry and the backwoods like the back of his hand. Cyrus served in the Marines in Vietnam before raising his daughter Jennifer on his own. (Jennifer's mother ran off with her meth dealer.) Raised without a touch of female influence, Jennifer is a redheaded tomboy in the extreme. Both Wilson Doorstaff and Cyrus Mellon, best friends, are, well, just insane enough... At their core they are both kind-hearted. They're eccentric enough that they will make you laugh. The humor in this tome ranges from over-the-top to so dry you might not catch it. (The British will. God bless 'em, they're good with that.) Back to the plot: Cyrus deeply believes a terrifying Demon haunts the Ellis cave system, which is located under Wilson's property. Cyrus has a penchant for hunting the lurking Demon, blowing all sorts of things up and informing complete strangers than he "IS A MELLON." Wilson, a self-proclaimed "strenuously-cultivated alcoholic," believes that he's a refined man of culture and is overtly proud of his rotund son Lloyd. Lloyd's poetry, which is exclusively swan-based and fairly painful to read, is one pillar of the Doorstaff family's legacy of literary talent.. It's really, really, really bad poetry. Lloyd suffers, according to his father Wilson, from a "rare-but-all-too-common" medical condition called IBS-EOF. It stands for "Irritable Bowel Syndrome--Erectile-Over-Function" You'll see. It's gross. Yep. I went there...Juvenile.. You'll see. Moving on, Benny Hwang, Wilson Doorstaff's hired Assistant is a med-school dropout who utilizes his keen intelligence to aid in the utterly insane "clusterfkucs" which tend to ensue daily. Every element of their adventure that could go wrong indeed does go wrong. Read on and follow this intrepid team of innocent and kind souls into the hell of utter blackness in search of riches and in search of mental salvation. Rugged terrain, explosions, erection-crapping, bonfires, booze, laughter, and love. Onward.
About the Author
Wes Benson, MFA Oil Painter, Lover of Humor and Paleontological enthusiast.
Wes Benson is a Kansas-City-based oil painter. Wes has an MFA from the School of Visual Arts (SVA) in New York City and a bachelors degree in art history from KU, the University of Kansas. He works out of his studio in the Bauer building in the Crossroads district of Kansas City.
Wes is in his sixth year of recovery from alcoholism and opioid abuse (Vodka and OxyContin).
He runs an AA group called Freethinkers, leads three meetings a week and guides many Sponsees to a life of sobriety.
Wes's artwork hangs on walls and in private collections across the U.S. Wes stubbornly paints whatever he wants to paint. His artistic philosophy is guided exclusively by the daily visual input of his own life. His work is intended to be semi-autobiographical, euphoric, luminous, and optimistic.
His artwork has been featured in 435 magazine, The Hills magazine, Leawood magazine and has produced artwork for the Mensa Bulletin, ABC's Extreme Makeover Home Edition and Illustrations for multiple magazines. His oil paintings have been shown at Weinberger Fine Art, Leawood Fine Art, Eva Reynold's Fine Art, the Leedy-Voulkos, Art Center, and Flock Salon.
Wes Benson is a major Paleontological enthusiast. Meaning he actually digs up dinosaurs. How? With his hands. With a team from the University of Kansas. Next year will be his tenth trip to Montana/North Dakota.
His Dinosaur adventures have landed Wes on "CBS Sunday Morning" with Martha Teichner, and now in a major BBC Documentary hosted by Sir David Attenborough called "Dinosaurs: the Final Day"
Wes Lives with his wife and dog in Kansas City.
His upcoming book is entitled: "Float Trip Heist" featuring the same insane characters and a few new ones!